Where Art Thou Blackberry?

"aku memang tak berhati besar..untuk memahami..hatimu disana..aku memang tak berlapang dada..untuk menyadari..kau bukan milikku lagi..dengar dengarkan aku..aku akan bertahan sampai kapanpun..sampai kapanpun..wow.. wow…..maafkan aku..yang tak sempurna tuk dirimu..usailah sudah kisah yang tak sempurna..untuk kita kenang..andai aku dapat merelakan..setiap kepingan..butiran kenangan indah..andai aku sanggup menjalani..setiap detik..dan waktu mendatang"

Lagu ni aku tujukan kat blackberry..ni kisah yang tak sempurna antara aku dan blackberry..i heart u very-fucking much..tapi apakan daya..lek dulu zad..lek dulu..haha..kalau bukan rezeki nak buat macamane..??..

owh ye..marina baru sampai..ade kat sebelah mase gobloging nih..dia ingat hari ni dia datang awal boleh buat2 mata bengkak kot?..hahaha..Marina...Marina..semalam dia datang lambat..pastu laptop rosak..pastu dia tak cerita lagi cerita "MIRA" kat aku..ceit..laptop dia rosak pun agak klakar la minah nih..hahahaha..gelabah lebih..padahal takde pape pun laptop dia....hahaha O_O --->hidung marina..haha..owh dia akan buat hidung nih kalau laptop dia rosak..haha..dia ni...kecik, itam dan comel...haha..ooopsss..tak la itam...berkulit hawaii..hehehe..

Indesicive conclusion

they say, when your mind stick to it..you'll never let go..but when your heart urge it..you can never look back..but do you know what the heart long for? is it money? is it triumph? or is it just plain urge that drive you to want it..well, i consider myself as a trigger towards the action..the executor..i need something that i forsee from the start till the end..maybe thats my problem..something just wont go my way..nobody understands me better than my pals from TDK..they are the one who knows me better..without fail, they'll know what the *sigh* is about just by the expression i've made..my true potential?..haha..such a cliche..try to fit in a new place..whereas you are the "new guy"..you wont flip all your card in a poker game..you flip one by one and gamble the rest..my mistake is i gamble too much..i always hold back..i'm certain of what i want..but i dont want to step in anybody's feet..the feeling when i had, when i was playing rugby..i was the one who calls out the players..never cared though, of how the left-outs felt..now i know..being left-out, not chosen..the feeling..its not that easy..sometimes, when somebody say that you are good, it doesnt mean that you're that good..maybe you're just the only person they rely and you're the only person that they are pushing the shit over..pening? aku pun  pening..damn..i dont care that much..its just that..play your card well..you never know when you need to flip an Ace out..when you do..all the chips are yours.. :)

About Moi..Je M'apelle Hazad

UR NAMES THAT FRIENDS CALL YOU:

1. Epit : ni memang kaum kerabat Sahlan je la yang panggel aku

2. Hazad : semua kawan2 aku calls me by the name..rapat ke..tak rapat..same je..aku xde nickname

3. Abang Hazad : Adik2 aku panggil aku ni..nampak lebih superior..hehe

4. Hafiz : mak gue je panggel nih..dulu nak letak name aku hafiz..tapi bapak aku nak letak hazad..nape tah??

5. Baby : B aku je panggel nih...dan ex2 aku..wakakakakaka
6. Mok Cak : Bebudak TM je panggel nih..maksud..mampos aku nak bagitau..

FOUR MOST IMPORTANT DATES IN YOUR LIFE:
1. Puasa..(mesti banyak kantoi..mase keje bank dlu mmg tak kantoi la..seryes..tah la..)

2. Birthday mak gue..penting nih org tua nih..x bagi present pun..wish je dia da nangis..LOL

3. yang harus--> Bday Farah..tapi time bday dia pun aku yg dapat hadiah..hehe..weh aku slalu kasik bunge k?? (aku yg romantik..)

4. tarikh baru...kawen dan nikah..mampos kena marah klu lupe..(B, i pelupe...soriiii..)

FOUR THINGS YOU’VE DONE IN THE LAST 30 MINUTES:
last 30min?...

1. update blog

2.berak

4.sap kok sorang2..

5.balas e-mail perempuan gila kat TMIM

FOUR WAYS TO BE HAPPY:

1. money!! = it gets me through this semi-charmed kind of life..it does makes the world go gaga..

2. memiliki mitsubishi air-trek..i heart u air-trek..

3.ability to deminish my debts..loans..c.card..life without debts..

4.hubungan senggama yang wud keep her cummin 3-4times..(my best??..hehe..ngan mana satu ek?..wakakakaka)

FOUR GIFTS YOU WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE
1. shoes..but timber baru,kasut futsal adidas sala,adiprene jogging shoes,onizuka tigers putih & lacoste putih..stylo kan aku?

2. aku nak jersey argentina baru...please!!!...i heart u argentina world cup 2010!!

3. modern warfare 2 ps3..game ni syiok giler weh!!!!!!!!!

4. ed hardy please...baju tu cantek..mahal gile..stylo...(sesuai sangat ngan aku..hahaha)

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. korek idung dalam kereta..esp time jam..syiok gile..(kete aku tintered itam..gelap gile..org tak nampak)

2.terduduk depan bravia..ditemankan astro,ps3,player sony dan berbunyikkan home theatre sony, dalam bilik bersuhukan 18 darjah celcius, di atas round fluffy couch cavenzi...ini adalah ultimate!!!!

3.kacau adik&comot..kucing aku..but i still miss u kecik..RIP last year.. :'(

4.main futsal

aku bela dia dari kecik kutip kat kedai makan..last2 dia mati jatuh balcony..aku bersalah..i miss u kecik.. :(

FOUR PLACES YOU WANT TO GO FOR VACATION:
1. kampung2 di Ireland..U.K..seryes best..where the grass is green bleh golek2 atas rumput tanpa miang2 kan?

2. pantai yg dalam cerita "the beach" leonardo di caprio tu

3. bandung sekali lagi-> shopping maut weh....dgn B aku..lagila mampos..

4. semua tempat2 yang berkaitan dgn freemason..the holy grail..leornado da vinci..knights of templar..saje je nak amek tau..aku suke..

FOUR FAVORITE DRINKS:
1. of course tongkat ali..ali cafe

2. tiga layer..aku pick-up kat perak..kat nasi vangey..sedap weh!

3. vitagen..aku ngan B aku suke nih

4. flaming ferrari.@ graveyard.. woooosaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

FOUR THINGS ALWAYS FOUND IN YOUR ROOM:
1.  durex..DULU la...DULU..hahaha

2. PS2 40 cd, PS3 2 dvd..aku tak main PS2 daa..hahahaha

3. boxer berterabur (point2 bebelan B aku..)

4. air mineral dalam botol sebelah katil..aku cepat dehydrate..nak cepat kurus kuttt??..aku sportsman dulu..k??

FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:
1. hijau - "only genius pick green"

2. turqoise - fit well with my B

3. purple - perasan diraja..

4. blue pearl black : warna keta aku plss...

TOP FOUR HANGOUTS:
1. hartamas - zaman mude

2. uptown lame - makan2 chee chiong funn dgn B aku

3. chillies - cara senang nak pujuk B

4. hakim (maple s.alam)

TOP FOUR YOU LOVE SO MUCH:
1. mak..semestinya

2. b aku..my wife,mother to my children,my best friend..my soul mate

3. kawan2 mrsm terendak

4. semua kawan2...adik2..

TOP FOUR “THINGS” SPECIAL TO YOU:
1. PS3 aku..i heart u..u little black box of fun!!

2. kasut futsal nike T7 aku

3. baju2 quiksilver yang aku kumpul dari diploma (ade cerita sebalik ni..)

4. semua jersey man utd aku..(byk yg da ilang pun..seddey..) 

 

TOP FOUR REASONS WHY YOU ANSWERED THIS SURVEY:

1. menarik

2.sees how i potray my life..likings and etc..

3. utk cool kan lagi blog aku yg entry tak seberapa nih

4. suke2..suke aku la..aku suke..so???

CRITERIAS OF UR DREAM PARTNER

1. sabar dengan baran aku..baran pun da slow da..suami org da pun.

2. putih..rambut half baby curl dgn hi-light :) mcm B

3. manje tak tentu pasal mcm B aku

4. yg can stand with my less traits..my weakness..who would complement me..and makes me the person i am

5. "yes love..you're still the face i've search each morning..the one want to see.."

TOP FOUR WHO YOU THINK WILL ANSWER THIS SURVEY:
1. org yg bace blog aku..? M?Fieda..tu je la pon?

2...tah la..mane aku tau..

3. ye..aku tak tau sape lagi

4. iyola..mano den nak tau..nakdo nyo yang baco blog den..wa'ang yo lahh..(yes..aku org minang..)

He Coloured It Before I Learn How To Paint..

Aku: B, Seha dapat berapa UPSR?

B Aku: Ntah..mama kata..**B**C

Aku: Yeke?..Isk..Abistu mama kata ape?

B Aku: Ntah..rilek je..anak bongsu dia kutt..

Aku: Owh..

 A bit overwhelm with the answer..how possibly lucky she is to have such parents..but i beg to differ..why? because the memories still linger in my box of mind..how my dad brought me up..how he controls things..how he makes sure i followed..and yes..the continuous beating..

okkay..about me,im the last and the only son at home..so,orang akan cakap betapa manja..spoilednye aku..tapi tak..i'm not that one bit..my dad never pampered me with the likings of money, ever-conditional love like others would do. he's an army officer when i was standard 6..a colonel..i was one beat-up half to death for getting 3rd in my class..kalau nak keluar main beskal pun, i have to call him from the camp and ask his permission..if he says no, berani plak aku nak cakap yes..even if my mom says yes..well, thats not gonna be good enough..so there's this one time, aku bergaduh dgn along..(she taught me grammar..standard 1 grammar when i was in standard 3)..aku tanak blaja reported by along..damn, aku tak boleh bejalan..for 2 days..kaki bengkak..mata bengkak (sebab nangis)..and he uses the thick army belt..yess plus the rubber pipe..i was beaten the hell craps..

But, with all the forcing, upsr aku 4A..best student..pengawas contoh..and bla..bla..bla..eventhough i shifted schools for like 3-4 times..i manage to do so..

so, masuk sekolah menengah, aku masuk MRSM Terendak..at that moment, i pictured the school as a jail..and people studies a lot there..tapi tidak aku..haha (kenapa zad..?)..i have my best buds there..munir,shah,duen,apek,krock,anis,krell...seperti biasa..setiap form..aku akan ada kes A..takpun B..i still remember when the 1st time i registered there..setelah daftar and all..dapat bilik..sampai kat bilik tu (Blok B..Dorm bawah):

Abah: ni bilik kau?

Aku: ye kutt..

Abah: So, nah..ni paku,hammer,paku tekan,engsel,

kertas minyak,penyapu and your lock

Aku: huh?

Abah: Set up on your own..and here's hundred

call me for anything..DONT CALL MAK..k?

Abah nak pegi main golf.

Aku: Yes abah

Mom couldnt come. Abah didnt let her. bayangkan betapa blurr nye aku time tu..and yes,semua mak bapak org datang. even makcik kat depan tu cakap "ko tengok tu long, dia sendiri2 je..takde pun nangis macam kau"..beb, i sat at the corner of my bed and cried..klaka kan?..

i'm not to say that my dad brought me up bad. without the conscience of love. without the knowing of how a father would show to a son. i always have my mom for anything. tapi, i never let her do anything eventhough when she wants it. setiap kes (setiap sem ade kes..ok?) aku kat maktab dulu pun,mak yang datang. kalau abah yang datang. mati aku..cuma he once came mase form 5 yang aku nyaris2 kena buang..lagi seminggu nak SPM..sebab kes yg bukan aku buat..framed?..ntah..maybe sebab i was the last person from my crew that hasnt been caught for anything. abah came and sort things out.he didnt say anything. came and go..oh ye ade skali gak, mase kantoi dating..cikgu kamil pukul aku..aku call abah..he came in his "celoreng" suit (baju masuk hutan) carik cikgu kamil. he chicken out..lari tah ke mana.

actually, abah nak aku grow by myself. banyak yg dia suruh aku buat sendiri. macam blaja (UiTM), kerja, kawen, beli kereta..he never donated a single cent..at first i thought he was a crappy father..tapi at least i realized that he wants me to grow up and be a man..rasa bila kau beli dengan sendiri beza dengan bila mak bapak yang belikan dan sediakan.

tapi, the not so best part is when, i grow up not to be close to him..i learnt to do everything by myself..aku rase jauh dengan abah..dengan masalah dia dgn mak..kawen dua..everything that i saw with my own eyes..how he treated mom back then..it makes me hates him so much..and not wanting to be close to he as a man..aku dgn abah never sees eye-to-eye..i was never the son he always proud at..dia suh jadi engineer, aku flopped out..gagal..kena tendang UTM..aku dengan sendirinya masuk UiTM..dah masuk baru bagitau dia..never once he said "I'm proud of you.."..aku tak kesah..aku takde hal..

tapi, when everything seems clear on the night before my wedding..the night when munir was snoring..shah was snoring too..and sheri was head down and legged up..(dia nak balik..munir suh stay..hehe sian sheri)..macam manepun he's my father..his sins towards mom is his problems..cuma aku clear dan tak berdosa dgn dia..deep down i love him so..cume i stop saying that since form 1..however and no matter how he approached me as a son..he bring me up good..abah dah 62..its not that long for him..dia penah cakap kat aku masa i confronted him and ask his blessing for the wedding:

Abah: Sometimes children will hate parents for how they are brought up.

my way..are not approved by your mom..and even grandma..

but one day, i know you'll be glad and thanked me..even if i'm not

there to hear it..

aku sedar its hard to be a father..even now, when my B is starting to vomit. setiap hari..setiap kali lepas makan..setiap pagi...aku takut nak jadi bapak..boleh ke aku lead?can i be the best dad ever?can i teach him how to ride a bike?how to swim?..

My dad had colouerd my future even when i was just started to paint it..I'm sorry abah for all of my mistakes..i never hated you..i just hate my guts to admit that you are right..everything u said and done..thanks for bringing me up good..and show me the meaning of being a man when i'm just a boy..you coloured my future with colours that only i could imagine..thanks abah..

ni abah aku..Colonel (B) Sahlan Wagimin

nampak mcm 62 tak?tak kannnn...

Harap maklum..selama aku hidup 27 tahun kat dunia nih, baru 1st time aku cbe blog..mungkin sebelum ni agak go-blog utk blogging..tapi lately,its seems like the new in.haha.lame excuse utk aku.but,the hell i care..so,anyways..dalam blog nih dorang kata boleh letak ape2 entry..so, akan ku letak apa2 entry untuk my self-satisfaction..therefore,ku ucapkan..welcome to my world..welcome to my half-ass problems..and my fucked-up eccentric self demoralizing but less the drama..haha..(hazad..the hell i got myself into?..)..ape de kesah..like everybody gonna read this.. :) ..yeah,lupe nak bagitau..any vulgar words are okkay for my listening...so bear with it.."u cannot hear izzit..???"

kucing aku yg meniru setiap pergerakkan ku

malas/kuat tido/kuat makan/comel/manje/pandai amek hati