Aku: B, Seha dapat berapa UPSR?
B Aku: Ntah..mama kata..**B**C
Aku: Yeke?..Isk..Abistu mama kata ape?
B Aku: Ntah..rilek je..anak bongsu dia kutt..
Aku: Owh..
A bit overwhelm with the answer..how possibly lucky she is to have such parents..but i beg to differ..why? because the memories still linger in my box of mind..how my dad brought me up..how he controls things..how he makes sure i followed..and yes..the continuous beating..
okkay..about me,im the last and the only son at home..so,orang akan cakap betapa manja..spoilednye aku..tapi tak..i'm not that one bit..my dad never pampered me with the likings of money, ever-conditional love like others would do. he's an army officer when i was standard 6..a colonel..i was one beat-up half to death for getting 3rd in my class..kalau nak keluar main beskal pun, i have to call him from the camp and ask his permission..if he says no, berani plak aku nak cakap yes..even if my mom says yes..well, thats not gonna be good enough..so there's this one time, aku bergaduh dgn along..(she taught me grammar..standard 1 grammar when i was in standard 3)..aku tanak blaja reported by along..damn, aku tak boleh bejalan..for 2 days..kaki bengkak..mata bengkak (sebab nangis)..and he uses the thick army belt..yess plus the rubber pipe..i was beaten the hell craps..
But, with all the forcing, upsr aku 4A..best student..pengawas contoh..and bla..bla..bla..eventhough i shifted schools for like 3-4 times..i manage to do so..
so, masuk sekolah menengah, aku masuk MRSM Terendak..at that moment, i pictured the school as a jail..and people studies a lot there..tapi tidak aku..haha (kenapa zad..?)..i have my best buds there..munir,shah,duen,apek,krock,anis,krell...seperti biasa..setiap form..aku akan ada kes A..takpun B..i still remember when the 1st time i registered there..setelah daftar and all..dapat bilik..sampai kat bilik tu (Blok B..Dorm bawah):
Abah: ni bilik kau?
Aku: ye kutt..
Abah: So, nah..ni paku,hammer,paku tekan,engsel,
kertas minyak,penyapu and your lock
Aku: huh?
Abah: Set up on your own..and here's hundred
call me for anything..DONT CALL MAK..k?
Abah nak pegi main golf.
Aku: Yes abah
Mom couldnt come. Abah didnt let her. bayangkan betapa blurr nye aku time tu..and yes,semua mak bapak org datang. even makcik kat depan tu cakap "ko tengok tu long, dia sendiri2 je..takde pun nangis macam kau"..beb, i sat at the corner of my bed and cried..klaka kan?..
i'm not to say that my dad brought me up bad. without the conscience of love. without the knowing of how a father would show to a son. i always have my mom for anything. tapi, i never let her do anything eventhough when she wants it. setiap kes (setiap sem ade kes..ok?) aku kat maktab dulu pun,mak yang datang. kalau abah yang datang. mati aku..cuma he once came mase form 5 yang aku nyaris2 kena buang..lagi seminggu nak SPM..sebab kes yg bukan aku buat..framed?..ntah..maybe sebab i was the last person from my crew that hasnt been caught for anything. abah came and sort things out.he didnt say anything. came and go..oh ye ade skali gak, mase kantoi dating..cikgu kamil pukul aku..aku call abah..he came in his "celoreng" suit (baju masuk hutan) carik cikgu kamil. he chicken out..lari tah ke mana.
actually, abah nak aku grow by myself. banyak yg dia suruh aku buat sendiri. macam blaja (UiTM), kerja, kawen, beli kereta..he never donated a single cent..at first i thought he was a crappy father..tapi at least i realized that he wants me to grow up and be a man..rasa bila kau beli dengan sendiri beza dengan bila mak bapak yang belikan dan sediakan.
tapi, the not so best part is when, i grow up not to be close to him..i learnt to do everything by myself..aku rase jauh dengan abah..dengan masalah dia dgn mak..kawen dua..everything that i saw with my own eyes..how he treated mom back then..it makes me hates him so much..and not wanting to be close to he as a man..aku dgn abah never sees eye-to-eye..i was never the son he always proud at..dia suh jadi engineer, aku flopped out..gagal..kena tendang UTM..aku dengan sendirinya masuk UiTM..dah masuk baru bagitau dia..never once he said "I'm proud of you.."..aku tak kesah..aku takde hal..
tapi, when everything seems clear on the night before my wedding..the night when munir was snoring..shah was snoring too..and sheri was head down and legged up..(dia nak balik..munir suh stay..hehe sian sheri)..macam manepun he's my father..his sins towards mom is his problems..cuma aku clear dan tak berdosa dgn dia..deep down i love him so..cume i stop saying that since form 1..however and no matter how he approached me as a son..he bring me up good..abah dah 62..its not that long for him..dia penah cakap kat aku masa i confronted him and ask his blessing for the wedding:
Abah: Sometimes children will hate parents for how they are brought up.
my way..are not approved by your mom..and even grandma..
but one day, i know you'll be glad and thanked me..even if i'm not
there to hear it..
aku sedar its hard to be a father..even now, when my B is starting to vomit. setiap hari..setiap kali lepas makan..setiap pagi...aku takut nak jadi bapak..boleh ke aku lead?can i be the best dad ever?can i teach him how to ride a bike?how to swim?..
My dad had colouerd my future even when i was just started to paint it..I'm sorry abah for all of my mistakes..i never hated you..i just hate my guts to admit that you are right..everything u said and done..thanks for bringing me up good..and show me the meaning of being a man when i'm just a boy..you coloured my future with colours that only i could imagine..thanks abah..
ni abah aku..Colonel (B) Sahlan Wagimin
nampak mcm 62 tak?tak kannnn...
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